10 things I've learnt about Thailand this far.

1. It is perfectly acceptable to walk around in what can only be described as very small underwear. Those that are feeling conservative may indulge in a bikini but for the most part the women prefer the g-string alternative and head in the direction of being topless for most of the day. Men either rock speedo's (known as undies because half the time they're not on the beach and are walking around town showing off their packages.) or boardies. T-shirts are a nono.

2. Foreigners prefer to drink out of buckets filled with a bottle of the spirit of your choice and one small can of fizzy drink. These buckets usually lead to 2-6 men passed out on the beach the following day.

3. Tourists from various parts of the world will invest in knock off Ed Hardy clothing ranging from small shorts to bikini's and underwear. Because nothing is cooler than Ed Hardy clothing. Except knock off Ed Hardy.

4. It's hot. The water feels like you're swimming in a warm cup of tea and tastes like it too. That is, if you have a truck load of salt in your tea. Can some one please explain to me why they have so much fucking salt in their ocean. It's selfish. Share it with the rest of the world.

5. If you don't drive a scooter, you WILL drive a Toyota Hilux (ranging from 2006-2009) and you WILL take out innocent bystanders if they don't army roll out of your way.

6. No matter how many shakes you've consumed on Mushroom Mountain, the rocks are NOT whales, you CANNOT ride them and if you try you WILL fall off them and graze your arms.

7. The island eats jandals. No one knows where they go, one second you have them with you the next minute they're gone. RIP pink jandals.

8. Thai people have mastered stores - Yoghurt home 3 is directly opposite as I type. I'm not entirely sure what they sell but I don't think it's yoghurt. Excellent. They also have a large selection of tattoo parlors which brings me to point number 9.

9. Tourists WILL get drunk and stumble into one of the many tattoo parlors. I imagine it makes waking up next to an ugly bitch the following morning a better blow once you realize you've gotten a terrible tattoo from a random thai man. And paid the earth for it. Good job, bro.

10. So long as you have cash on you, the cops (which I have yet to see and have only heard about) will let you off with anything. Including but not limited to murder. They sell MDMA and magic mushrooms over the counter. It should be said, they just don't give a fuck.

Oh Thailand. It's going to be beautiful.

I never used livejournal.

So, after four years of using Livejournal (if Simon is reading that, that is a total lie) I'm changing to blogspot. Mostly because I can click a button that says Adult Content, partly because people judge me when I admit to a livejournal addiction. Fuck it, I judge myself. But in my defence, livejournal lets me make it look sexy.

Anyway, with a recent move to Thailand/England/WhereeverIendup and people hounding me for future updates it seems only right to make some form of a blog.

Who knows, maybe I'll take up stalking female tourists in the area so that you can all admire them long distance. We can make it a game. I'll take the photos, you guys can rate them. Preferably with number cards. And photos of you and your ratings. I don't really care. Whatever you're into.

Thailand by Saturday. Photos in the near future. If I can find a computer.

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